Woo-Bay, Part 1

On a recent lazy Sunday afternoon, for no really good reason, I logged onto Ebay and did a search for “paranormal.” Page after page of search results appeared, a veritable treasure trove of trickery for sale through the magic of online auctions.

The first item up for bids: Paranormal Ghost Hunter Ghost Hunting Group Guide (sic), with the subtitle “Start Your Own Ghost Hunting Group NOW!!!” Because, as we all know, starting one’s group NOW presents an emergency situation. Hurry one, hurry all, or the ghosts will suddenly disappear and you won’t be able to capture them with your specially designed battery operated toys.The verbiage on the auction listing proclaims that this item will enable the buyer to start their own ghost hunting group like TAPS or Paranormal State (the latter being a television show, not a ghost hunting group, the implication being that one can land oneself a television pilot with nothing more than the click of the mouse and a Paypal account.)

It further promises, “For the first time ever REAL ghost hunters share the inside secrets to opening your own ghost hunting party so you can enter this exciting field prepared and ready to go!” I was quite relieved to read this, because at last there is someone hunting REAL ghosts, and not those fake ones which everyone else seems to be chasing to no avail. Intrigued, I read on. The guide allegedly contains information about ghost hunting etiquette (if a ghost sneezes, do you say “bless you?”), “Protecting Your-Self in The Field,” paperwork and case files, reviewing evidence, and contacting the client. All of this information is given in a 38 page Word document. The buyer does not even get an actual physical book. However, the seller states that it contains “Everything you need to become a ghost hunter,” and that “nothing has been left out.”

The next item up for bids is the Ghost Hunter METER ANALYZER Spectra 101 metaphysics, for the exclusive Buy it Now price of $79.95.The enticing offer states, “If you believe in spirit and ghosts and if you like to become a ghost hunter or becoming one it’s a good idea to have one of our antenna module and analyzing instruments.” The advertisement goes on to state that the Spectra-101 will allow you to see, record, track, and analyze. It really is quite an amazing device, the seller would have you believe.

The kit allegedly provides you with an antenna and software that provides a spectrum analyzer and virtual oscilloscope. “You are now ready to begin to learn and explore a new world of knowledge. If something weird append in the electromagnetic field you will see it on your computer screen….Please consider doing it the professional way .” The seller goes on to claim that this kit is offered at a fraction of the value, which exceeds $20,000.

How is utilizing oscilloscope software any more professional or scientific than standing in a dark room and screaming “Come and get me, big boy!” while waving an EMF meter, compass, or tube sock around in the air? They basically all have the same outcome: You look like a fool, masquerading as a scientist. These costume parties go on every night in Woo-ville, with invitations issued to anyone who is willing to stash their critical thinking away in a locked box in some deep recess of their mind and fork out fistfuls of cash for some battery operated bling. I am not sure what the use of a virtual oscilloscope has to do with exploring a new world of knowledge. Likewise, what does seeing something weird have to do with ghosts? Are we to assume that anything that seems a little strange or unusual should automatically be attributed to the supernatural? Unfortunately, that appears to be the recipe for success for those marketing devices they claim provide evidence of ghosts. Just add liberal quantities of gullibility and stir gently.

“Since many years researchers in paranormal have been get deeper and deeper in their research and a lots of time they try to prove things and find more on that subject and do some experimentations and without an adequate equipment or without enough budget unfortunately not to much was possible to be achieved…You probably have seen a lot of different device that try to catch electromagnetic frequencies, radio frequencies, or EMF, ELF, etc. Well some work and some simply don’t. But there are no other one who can give you a scientific reading or some scientific results. Make a ‘bip bip’ sound and a light going on and off yes it’s cool but just for a few seconds. After all it’s only what it does. But we want to offer you more serious than just a flashing light….You can know have fun with your research and collect your data in a very professional way. But do not expect an immediate ghost manifestation. Only ridiculous device will tell you every 5 sec. that you have a ghost near or a very weird manifestation.”

Apparently, it takes big bucks to gather evidence of ghosts, and the reason that there isn’t any good evidence is because ghost-hunters don’t have enough money. Has it EVER occurred to these electronic-gadget hounds that what they are doing typically seems ridiculous? This device will certainly not save anyone from that fate. A lesson in third grade science, or at the very least reading a paragraph or two about the scientific method would be more effective than any crapometer that is on the “bip-bip flashing light” market these days. And guess what. All it would cost is a few minutes of their time. The problem with paranormal research is not lack of cash, it is poverty of a far worse variety—common sense, reason, and good old-fashioned effort.